Sadly, Gaslighting is a term that’s become increasingly common in conversations about emotional and psychological health. But what does it actually mean—and why is it so damaging, especially when it happens in places we should feel safe, like the doctor’s office?
What Is Gaslighting?
At its core, gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where someone causes another person to doubt their own perceptions, memories, or understanding of events. The term comes from the classic play and film "Gaslight," where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s losing her mind.
How Does Gaslighting Happen—Especially in Healthcare?
While gaslighting can happen in any relationship, it’s especially harmful when it comes from people in positions of authority, like doctors. In a medical context, being gaslit by doctors means having your symptoms, concerns, or experiences dismissed, minimized, or doubted. Sometimes, this goes so far that you begin to question your own reality or sanity.
Examples of Medical Gaslighting:
A patient with chronic pain is told, “You’re just anxious,” with no further evaluation.
Someone with unexplained fatigue is told, “You’re just getting older,” despite being much younger than average for such symptoms.
A woman reporting heart attack symptoms is told, “It’s probably just indigestion,” without appropriate testing.
Why Does Medical Gaslighting Happen?
Medical gaslighting is especially common with chronic illnesses that lack clear diagnostic tests—like fibromyalgia, endometriosis, or chronic fatigue syndrome. These conditions are often misunderstood, and patients (especially women and people of color) face higher rates of dismissal and skepticism from healthcare providers.
The Emotional Impact of Gaslighting
Being gaslit—especially by someone you’re supposed to trust—can have profound, long-lasting effects on your emotional well-being:
1. Self-Doubt and Confusion:
You may start questioning your own perceptions and experiences, making it harder to trust yourself—not just about your health, but in other areas of life.
2. Heightened Anxiety and Stress:
Not being believed can lead to persistent anxiety about your symptoms and your future, and worry that something serious is being missed.
3. Depression and Hopelessness:
Repeated invalidation can fuel feelings of helplessness, sadness, and despair. You may feel isolated, misunderstood, or like you’re “going crazy.”
4. Loss of Trust in Healthcare Providers:
Being gaslit erodes your trust in doctors and the healthcare system. You might become reluctant to seek care, fearing further dismissal or judgment.
5. Social Withdrawal and Isolation:
If friends, family, or coworkers echo the dismissive attitudes of doctors, you may withdraw socially, deepening your loneliness.
6. Lower Self-Esteem:
Constantly being told your experience isn’t real or important can chip away at your confidence and self-worth.
7. Worsening Physical Symptoms:
Emotional distress can actually exacerbate physical symptoms, especially in conditions like fibromyalgia, where stress is a known trigger for flare-ups.
Why Does Gaslighting Lead to Emotional Exhaustion and Depression?
Gaslighting forces you into a constant state of self-doubt and emotional hypervigilance. The ongoing mental labor of second-guessing your thoughts, memories, and feelings drains your emotional energy and leaves you feeling worn out. Over time, this can trigger symptoms of depression—hopelessness, sadness, loss of motivation, and emotional numbness. The cycle of invalidation and self-doubt can make you feel isolated and disconnected, deepening emotional exhaustion and depressive feelings.
How Does Gaslighting Compare to Other Emotional Abuse?
While all emotional abuse is harmful, gaslighting is particularly insidious because it targets your fundamental sense of reality and self. Other forms of emotional abuse may involve direct criticism, shaming, or control, but gaslighting adds a layer of psychological manipulation that can make victims feel as if they cannot trust their own minds—a uniquely disorienting and isolating experience.
What Can You Do If You’re Being Gaslit?
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Your emotions are valid and a natural response to being dismissed.
Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or support groups who understand your experience.
Consider Therapy: A mental health professional can help you process your experiences and rebuild your confidence.
Advocate for Yourself: Document your symptoms and bring an advocate to appointments if possible.
Find a Supportive Provider: Don’t hesitate to seek a second opinion or switch doctors if you feel consistently dismissed.
In summary:
Gaslighting is a severe form of emotional abuse that can have deep and lasting effects on your mental and physical health. Recognizing the signs and seeking support can help you protect your well-being and advocate for the care and respect you deserve.
If you or someone you know is experiencing gaslighting—especially in a healthcare setting—know that you’re not alone, and your experiences are real. Trust yourself, seek support, and don’t give up on finding the care you need.
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